A journey of faith begins...

Posted by San.

There's this deep joy that's overflowing within me. I have received all sorts of blessings from God, in all various forms. Financial, emotional, physical, handphones, PDAs, etc. You name it, I have it.

However, the blessing of knowing that I am carrying a child is beyond words. In all honesty, the last few months were mixed with fear & disappointments. It has almost been a teenage-hood worry to me that I would have great difficulties bearing a child. Where I got these fears - don't ask me. I even was prepared that I even might be adopting.

It seemed almost surreal, almost totally unreal. How could this be happening to me? Wow! A life is within me! Is it for real? God, you sure? God, wow! You are so kind to me! God, you are so nice to me. I am filled with astonishment, excitement, surreal-ness. Each moment, I would be thinking of the little one within me. Each movement I made is made with care.

Just two days ago, I had a little doubt. As I was waiting for my monthly period to arrive, I was tempted to opine "Oh, it's been days and I am tired of waiting for my period to come!" Yet, there was this still small voice beside me whispering - San, I thought you were praying for a child? Where is that faith?

I kept this thought within me and unknowingly, Geo also had his thoughts - which he will blog if he has found the time. Hee.. When we put it together and discussed about it, we decided that we would go and buy the test kit. Honestly, I was reluctant to test, worried that I would be disappointed. Yet, there was this strong feeling pushing me to have faith & trust.

God is good - in good times AND bad times! I am reminded that we have only tried for a child for a mere 8 months. There are couples who have tried 8 years and are still trying. I am only reminded to not take this blessing for granted but in everything I do, to continue to seek God's face, to seek His love, to seek his presence in my life. I am reminded that I am not to gloat. I am reminded to break the news with care.

For now, I have been advised to sleep well, eat normal & pray! =) God, I am ready for the 40 weeks of faith.. May You take over my life & take control of everything.