Happy new year 2011!

"With Christ in the Vessel, we can smile at the storm, as we go sailing home!"

I had this song ringing in my head throughout the 2 weeks of medical leave. Just as I did all that I can humanly, it was a reminder to me to always keep my eyes on Jesus when I am down.

The 2nd week of my leave was terribly filled with pain. I started having bad headaches and neck pulling sensation on my right side on Tuesday. I had blood in stools. I had diarrhea. I ignored the blood in stools, thinking that it was just simply bleeding after the D&C op. I also ignored diarrhea as gynae did prescribe me one dosage of laxative. I just could not ignore the headaches.

When it started, I thought I was having tension headaches. Yet, I wondered - What was I tense about? I wasn't working. Neither am I mulling and crying excessively. Pain got worse on Thursday so I went to see the GP. Medication did not work. Sleeping pill did not work as the pain was greater than the pill. On Friday, thankfully Geo was on leave, I thought that I better run to the hospital to do a scan. Made my way to the bathroom to wash up and bathe.

As I was bathing, (toilets are truly a wonderful place to think!), I felt a prompting from the HS to check with the gynae for side effects of the medication. I got so excited, I bathed quickly and called the gynae. True enough, gynae asked me to stop one medication. I got curious and I went to search the internet for more details. I was appalled to see that I was actually suffering from quite a bit of the side effects.

So, I stopped one med, continued the other med. However, pain still persisted. Next day, called again and then was informed that the 2nd med also had similar side effects. Sigh... I literally let out a sigh when I was on the phone with the nurse.

Anyway, with the whole of Sat without the medication and lots of water to flush it out, Sunday, the pulling pain in the head was still around. To top it off, I develop sores at my tonsil area. So, I decided to seek 2nd opinion and I went to KKH's women's clinic.

It was an interesting finding at KKH. Firstly, my 5-6 sores in the tonsils is not considered bad. (I think if it's whole entire mouth, then it's bad!) Secondly, doc asked me if I take antibiotics before. I told her that I usually reject antibiotics and do not consume unless absolutely necessary like a bad infection. She then said that it's my body's way of reacting to too much antibiotics in my body suddenly. Said also that the medicine given to me was to prevent infection after the D&C. Usually, one week suffice. So, she was also shocked that I was given 2 weeks.

Anyway, looking back, it still has been a good 2 weeks away from work despite the emotional upheaval and physical pain. Through it all, I am thankful for many things.

As I start today with breakfast with Geo today, it dawned upon me that it's during the physical pain that I look to God more. Yes, I prayed when I am emotionally down yet I know that I sought God more during the physical pain. Perhaps, it's only human or it was easier to allow oneself to wallow in sadness? As I look back, I learn to give thanks for the headache (despite it's pain) because that helped me to fix my eyes on Him more.

I know I couldn't have pulled through without God. But, I also know that I wouldn't have pulled through without the companionship of a supportive husband, family and friends. Last week, I had a good problem. I had to arrange all my nights well so that my friends could visit me. I was initially feeling rather dull to meet anyone but I was reminded that these are friends who really stood by me when I am down.

So..... As I began my day today, God placed a word in my heart - Commit. Commit to God my plans. Commit to God my day. Commit to God the promises I said. Commit to God myself. And so.... Today, is the beginning of 2011 for me. I am finally feeling that it's the new year.